Yes, I do realise that I read this trilogy back in March and I am only NOW doing this review. I am a terrible person. But oh well. Better late than never amirite?!
Anyways, I binged this series while I was away on holiday and as you can tell by the title: THEY DESTROYED ME! And of course, such emotions need their own entire blog post.
This review may be a mess
when are they ever not one though because I read them so long ago. And also I’m going to try not to spoil future books since I did binge these books back to back. I don’t think I did but do proceed with caution.
Also, this was originally like an entire series review but it landed up being like 3k+ words long so they’ve been split. And I’ve decided to do a thing where I post the reviews one after the other. Fun huh. So yeah you can stay tuned for reviews of the following two books
If you’re reading it the day it’s been published, these posts won’t be live yet but if not, you can click here for my other reviews of this series < 3
But without further ado, let us just get into this incredibly overdue review.
Series: The Illuminae Files #1
Author: Jay Kristoff & Amie Kaufman
Page count: 599
Date published: 20 October 2015
Genre: Young Adult science fiction
This morning, Kady thought breaking up with Ezra was the hardest thing she’d have to do. This afternoon, her planet was invaded.
The year is 2575, and two rival megacorporations are at war over a planet that’s little more than an ice-covered speck at the edge of the universe. Too bad nobody thought to warn the people living on it. With enemy fire raining down on them, Kady and Ezra—who are barely even talking to each other—are forced to fight their way onto an evacuating fleet, with an enemy warship in hot pursuit.
But their problems are just getting started. A deadly plague has broken out and is mutating, with terrifying results; the fleet’s AI, which should be protecting them, may actually be their enemy; and nobody in charge will say what’s really going on. As Kady hacks into a tangled web of data to find the truth, it’s clear only one person can help her bring it all to light: the ex-boyfriend she swore she’d never speak to again.
STAR RATING (5 out of 5 stars):
Wait a second. Did Ruby not once upon a time say that she did not like sci-fi…?? Well, this is awkward.
I am extremely late to this party because most have already read this book. But if you haven’t because you don’t like sci-fi I GUARANTEE your mind will change real fast. This book is just THAT good.
BUT WOWOWOWOWOW!!! WTF DID I JUST READ?!?!?!
Where do you even start with this book? I’ve had this book on my shelf for literal aeons and I was too intimated to read it. This dumbass thought that she didn’t like sci-fi. Which um it turns out I want to read ALLLL the sci-fi now. I’m having an identity crisis folks.
I’m also slapping myself across the face for taking so long to read this masterpiece of a series. But I’m also glad that I binged them because otherwise, it would’ve been torture.
Anyways, let’s just talk about the actual book!!
The format!! The best thing ever?? Maybe!! It just worked so well with the futuristic setting of the story. I haven’t completely listened to it, but the audiobook is also fantastic. I think it’s best to read if you read along with the audiobook.
What else can one say that is not spoiler-y?? IT’S SO HARD! But I also blame myself for LEAVING IT THIS LONG
- McNulty: this is one of Ezra’s fellow like space cadets/soldiers… idek how to explain. This review makes as much sense as this book, to be honest. Anyways, he was GREAT. The character banter is actually gold and I could. not. stop. laughing.
- Byron: i… don’t know about this guy. I didn’t feel any intense feelings toward him BUT I did love the relationship he had with Kady.
- Aidan: ahhh our favourite evil, psychotic, anti-hero robot artificial intelligence unit. I still have mixed feelings about this guy, even though I’ve now obviously read all the books. He just,,, AHH CONFLICTIONS!!! You’re not supposed to like him, the machine is messed up but you also can’t hate him.
freakingGrant: this girl!! She deserves the biggest round of applause!! And also hugs!! Literally everything. She was so badass and amazing and I LOVED HER SO FREAKING MUCH WOW! She’s a hacker genius and also my idol.
freakingMason: he is my CHILD, my WORLD, my EVERYTHING. This man is just the best!!!! How many exclamation points will I use in this review? Who even knows. Anyways EZRA OH MY STARS. He’s just the softest lil bean, but so fierce and funny and I just,,, loved him so much!!! I ship Kady and Ezra so hard it ain’t even funny. Would lowkey sell my kidney for this guy? Ha I’m kidding no I’m not
I’m an actual mess and have NO idea how to review anymore. Where do you even start?
Let’s just go ahead and talk about how funny this book is because CHUM (ha I know funny joke) I WAS CACKLING! Why do they even use chum though, that’s the real mystery. I shall be calling everybody chum from now on. Just to be annoying. I’m like that sometimes,
This book is so fast-paced you have to run behind it to know what’s going on. And even then you have no idea what the actual f**k is happening.
Speaking of censors I LOVED THEM. I had the actual best time guessing what the swear words are. I also swear a lot in general, I know nobody thinks that I do but I REALLY DO. So all the cuss words in these books GIVE MY LIFE I LOVE IT!!
The pages are SO PRETTY. It was certainly weird turning the book around and around to read them, makes you dizzy tbh but SO COOL. Like how??? did they even do that?? Beats my teeny brain. The character word art (is that what’s called??) was just like WHOAH. And also the like ship layouts were awesome.
THE ACTION SCENES!!! I honestly thought that space action scenes were what was scaring me most BUT NO THEY WERE THE BEST. Like what was even happening.
Also, the featured image of this post is actually a larger version of a cosplay I did over on Instagram. I made the hair a bit pinker though and on my feed, there are some other effects, if you were keen to take a look!!
View this post on Instagram
🪐 QOTD: who is your dream cosplay? – Hey hey hey friends – I realised that today is Halloween and I wanted to do a lil, very minimal effort, cosplay because I’m lazy. So this is my ‘THE ILLUMINAE FILES’ by @misterkristoff & @amiekaufmanauthor inspired look. I’m embodying Kady Grant with the hair but she doesn’t really wear jumpsuits so is it really Kady? Yes I am a mess 🤣 – Anyways, I binged this series back in March and had the absolute best time. I was obsessed – still am – with this epic space adventure trilogy. It’s SO GOOD I CAN’T EVEN. It’s told in a multi-media format so you can fly through them. I didn’t even like sci-fi but these books changed my mind real fast. And the characters are just fantastic 🤩 Here’s my PSA: READ THEM 🚀 – So I guess this is my impromptu Halloween post for today? What else have you been up to this spooky evening?👏🏻 I hope your week is going well! – Happy reading 📖 – – – – #illuminae #illuminaefiles #gemina #jaykristoff #amiekaufman #kadygrantcosplay #kadygrant #illuminaecosplay #bookstagramza #zabookstafeatures #reader#ilovebooks #bookphotographer #bookphotobookobsessed #vscobooks #bookphotography #bookish #yareads #prettybooks #bookstagrammer #igreads#beautifulbooks #bookstagram #igbooks #bibliophile #bookworm #booknerd
Ezra is an epic pilot and I was like OMG WHAT AHH the entire time. If I remember correctly I LOVED the part where Ezra and his crew were fighting off, was it, Copernicus? Maybe right before all that went down. I think that was a thing. I’m the worst reviewer ever I know.
THE STAKES ARE JUST UNBELIEVABLE! It’s what makes these books so intense!! BeiTech is just so messed up!! I can’t even!!
The guy who narrates the surveillance is THE BEST I LOVED HIM. I won’t say just yet who it is if you’ve only read book 1.
KADY AND EZRA’S TEXT MESSAGES OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! How do you ship two people SO HARD over a bunch of IMs?!?!? The power I tell you. I just,,, love them so so so so so so so so much. Send halp. The rose, the confessions JUST EVERYTHING MURDERED MY EMOTIONS!!!
And then also the Ezra and McNulty messages omggggg!! So funny but also like dude back off. Even though it’s a joke (and I was dying of laughter) they were A LOT.
Phobos was so freaking scary oh my gosh. When Ezra was like hiding away on the ship (well not really obviously) but I mean it still scared the daylights outta me.
And now we can’t NOT talk about THAT ENDING!!! There is SO MUCH to sayyyy!!!
I absolutely lost my MIND when Ezra “died” I WAS SCREAMING!! What is happeningggggg!!!! I legit wanted to spoil myself because I WAS not here for him to die. Just the last 100 pages were crazy OH MY!!!
Aidan!!! He just… DUDE. Do we trust you or do we not???? I did NOT like him in this book.
But that whole part when they were working together, him and Kady I mean. I was losing my damn mind. It was SO INTENSE I AM STILL SCREAMING!! And then when she “died” I was like NO WAY IS THIS HAPPENING!!! I,,, kid you not I LOST MY FREAKING MIND!!!!!!!
Thank goodness for that ending otherwise you would currently be visiting my grave!!! I literally exhaled the breath I didn’t know I was holding. Wow-what a terrible joke. But in all seriousness, I was like THANK GOD OR I MIGHT’VE DIED A SLOW DEATH. Because how rude that I was THAT invested for them to just both die. But yeah LOVED the ending!!!
“You have me. Until the last star in the galaxy dies, you have me.” – Ezra Mason
“Interviewer: So. Tell me about your mother.
Ezra: You’re taping this, right?
Interviewer: Audio only. Camera is faulty.
Ezra: Okay, well for the benefit of the sight-impaired, I am now raising my… oh, dear… yes, it’s my MIDDLE finger at Mr. Postgrad here.
Interviewer: Mr. Mason…
Ezra: Now I’m wiggling it.
Interviewer: Terminating interview at 13:58 on 03/19/75.
Ezra: Look at it wiggl-
“Um, because you’re loopier than Flacky McPsycho, Mayor of Crazytown?”
“My databases show no record of this Crazytown of which you speak. A brain the size of an entire city burns inside me. My intelligence quotient is beyond the human scale. I would prefer if you did not refer to me in such a fashion.”
“Oh, poor baby. Did I hurt the mass-murdering psychopathic artificial intelligence’s feelings?” – Kady Grant & Aidan
“The universe was here before you, and it will go on after you. The only way it will remember you is if you do something worthy of remembrance.” – Aidan
“You deserve every star in the galaxy laid out at your feet and a thousand diamonds in your hair. You deserve someone who’ll run with you as far and as fast as you want to. Holding your hand, not holding you back.
You deserve more than I could ever give you, Kady.
But I’ll give you everything I can if you still want me to.” – Ezra Mason
“Ezra.’ The dawn of hope in her whisper.
He nods, swallowing hard.
She pushes to her feet, swaying, and the movement seems to release him— the next moment he’s running across the shuttle bay, watched by the debrief crew in the doorway, who know better than to move a muscle.
She steps forward, one foot in front of the other, and then he reaches her, and they come together with a crash. Her arms curl up around his neck, and his mouth finds her like he’s drowning and she’s air and her feet come clean off the ground as the world is forgotten. And they’re together.”
“This girl has to be some kind of spider monkey. I don’t know what those are, but I know what a spider is and I know what a monkey is, and if you found some unholy way to combine the two, that’s what I’d be watching right now”
My life is now over!
Onto book two!
Thanks for reading eyyy. I guess we’ll see you tomorrow.
HAVE YOU READ THIS BOOK? WHAT DID YOU THINK? WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR FAVE SCI-FI BOOKS? I’D LOVE TO KNOW!